By Gina Angostura
Columnist

Great news!

I just cannot believe it. My best single friend Cammie just got engaged! I’m so happy for her. Really. I’m thrilled. So very, very happy.

We’re not talking.

I’ll get over it one of these days. She’s found herself an excellent guy. She’s so smiley it hurts my face to look at her. Hold on, I have to vomit.

That’s better.

I’m so mean. I’m going straight to hell on full scholarship for thinking this way, I know it.

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But I know it’ll happen for me someday. Not that I particularly want it to, especially when I think about the choices that life has presented to me so far.

For instance, why is it that every guy I’ve gone out with insists he be called by his full name? It was Richard, not Rich; David, not Dave; Patrick not Pat. Am I naturally attracted to men with this preference? And by “this preference”

I mean the preference for having a stick up one’s … never mind. (Family publication, family publication, family publication.)

I told my friend and mentor, Derrick, about the name thing, and he said I should avoid these types at all costs.

Of course, he has a name that can’t be shortened, so how is he any better?

I’m also, it seems, attracted to musicians. I’ve dated a mandolin player, a cellist and a jazz guitarist. I’m looking for a classical pianist next to add to my collection of failed musical relationships. Although I love their talent and sensitivity, I’m beginning to see that dating musicians is never a great idea. A good musician is obsessed with his art, and so is always practicing. A really good musician probably plays professionally, so he’s never around on the weekends. And a really good attractive musician is constantly covered in women like a discarded Chicken McNugget is covered in fl ies.

So it’s time to give up my preconceived notion of what draws me to someone and take a look at the whole man – his values, his stability, his spirituality, his bankbook.

Did I say that out loud?

Actually, I couldn’t care less about a man’s economic status. However, I will never give up the search for someone who appreciates both Python and MST3K. If you need me to tell you what either of those are, don’t call me. Some things are non-negotiable.

Really though, a guy who thinks I’m cool and whom I could feel the same about would be good. And enough.

Why is it so elusive?

But Cammie’s done it. So I have hope.

So congrats, chickie, you deserting-your-best-singlefriend, flaunting-your-new-diamond, bragging-about-yourtrip- to-Napa-with-your-fiance wench.