By Gina Angostura
Columnist

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Billions and billions of years ago, primitive creatures – now extinct – roamed the earth. In their place, we have guys.

Guys are much less primitive in some ways, but not extinct – at least I hope not, for my sake. The pool of available guys is dwindling, though. And not every member of Homo sapiens subspecies male will stand the evolutionary test of time.

Here then, are some “dinosaurs” of distinction ripe for extinction:

Manilowsaurus: A guy with absolutely no taste in music. Thinks .38 Special is one of the top bands of all time, right up there with Starship. Taking a long drive with this one is dangerous to your mental health, and also to his physical well-being, because if you have to hear him singing “We Built This City on Rock ‘n’ Roll” one more time, you’ll grab the wheel and turn it into a bridge guardrail yourself.

Hairybacktyl: Hugging one of these guys is like wrestling with a welcome mat. You know, laser hair removal is an amazing discovery. Or waxing. Why should women go through all the pain? Look into it.

DonJuanadon: This specimen, while romantic and affectionate, is constantly on the lookout for someone younger and prettier. Caging him up doesn’t help. He will never become docile and domesticated, no matter what you do.

Brachiosnorus: You think this is no big deal, until you have to share space with him – night after sleepless night. Elbowing and shaking him to wake him up does no good. He just gets mad and refuses to believe you. Even if you do field research, taping him in his sleep, nothing changes. Women who live with these types end up walking around all day with bags under their eyes or sleeping somewhere else. Either that or doing time for homicide.

Stenchosaurus: Poor hygiene habits almost ensure this one will never reproduce. Closely related is the Gasosaurus, which is actually a real dinosaur. And a real problem.

Metroceratops: Polar opposite of the Stenchosaurus, this particular man is quite particular about his appearance. Spends more money at the Clinique counter than I do. His nails are prettier than mine. Is that foundation he’s wearing?

Tyrantasaurus: Already had one of these. Too much roaring for my taste.

Fullofcraptor: Don’t believe a word this one says. Like Cliff Claven from “Cheers,” this guy is all hot air and no savoir-faire. Don’t even try to argue with him; he’s always right. Sitting with him at a restaurant, it’s all a girl can do to keep her eyes from glazing over like a baked ham.

I’m sure I could come up with many more guys who are on the endangered list, and of course, men will argue that woman have unattractive traits, too. But in a world based on the survival of the fittest, something as benign as a Canklesaurus or a Nagodon will reign supreme every time.