By Gina Angostura
Columnist

Previous articles • September 28, 2006 • September 14, 2006 • August 31, 2006 • August 17, 2006 • August 3, 2006 • July 20, 2006 • July 6, 2006 • June 22, 2006 • June 8, 2006 • May 25, 2006 • May 11, 2006 • April 27, 2006 • April 13, 2006 • March 30, 2006 • March 16, 2006 • March 2, 2006 • February 16, 2006 • February 2, 2006 • January 26, 2006 • January 19, 2006 • January 12, 2006 • January 5, 2006 • 2005 Archives

Editor’s note: In the six months since “The Single Cynic” has been published, there have been numerous letters to Ms. Angostura applauding her talents and criticizing what seems to be an attitude of “man bashing.” To address the latter, Ms. Angostura is far from being a man-hater. Indeed, it’s her very quest to find a suitable man, as yet unsuccessful, that has driven the column. Careful readers will discover that in addition to a large share of self-deprecating humor, Ms. Angostura has the ability to cut away the inane and superficial and write to the essence of her subject – even if it’s something as crass as flatulence. The ability to see the true nature of people and situations with humor has made Ms. Angostura one of the most – if not the most – popular Mirror offering. Hopefully the new year will bring her success in love, but if not, her loss is her readers’ gain.

Here we are at the end of 2005. For me, it’s the end of another year uncoupled. Another year where success has hung just out of my reach. Another year closer to the grave.

So let’s celebrate!

What better way to mark the passing of a year than making a list of all our shortcomings and half-heartedly deciding to do something about them. Ah, the unavoidable New Year’s resolution list. Who knows why we Americans do this to ourselves. We should do New Year’s the way the Babylonians did and be forgiven our debts and have our borrowed things returned. That way Discover would get off my back and I’d get my copy of “Dave Barry’s Book of Bad Songs” back. She knows who she is.

But who am I to poohpooh tradition? So here are my New Year’s resolutions for 2006:

1. I resolve to lose weight. I always write that one. It’s essentially filler.

2. I resolve to spend no more money in pursuit of weight loss, i.e., programs, diet food, etc. I should just eat the dollar bills instead. Much more useful and efficient, besides being an excellent source of fiber.

3. I resolve to date more. That’s somewhat out of my control, but I could be more aggressive, or less picky, or less busy, or more attractive. I’ll get right on that.

4. I resolve to spend no more money in the pursuit of dating. That means no more Yahoo or Match.com. The return is way too low. Believe me. Of course, that also means not spending money on special clothes not needed for work or shoes that look great – as long as I’m sitting in them and not trying to walk, dance, run or otherwise get from one point to another. Think of the money I could save by not getting my hair done, not buying makeup or moisturizers or cute purses. I should start a “back-to-nature” campaign. Slogan: “The real me: take it or leave it.”

I have a feeling they’d leave it. Which would be the same as it is now, but I’d save a bundle and have more free time.

5. I resolve to enjoy my life as it is now, and not waste my life away wishing for anything more than I already have. They say – whoever they are – that when you stop trying so hard, that’s when the good things come, that living in the moment and appreciating the small things will bring you true happiness.

But they also say that hard work, determination and a well-thought-out plan will get you what you want.

They are getting on my nerves.

So, here’s to all you single folks out there. Happy New Year; may you find peace and contentment, companionship and love. Hopelessness is for losers.