By Gina Angostura
Columnist

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I wasn’t always a bitter single woman. For a while I was a bitter married woman. But I got better.

Of course, bitterness is not the sole province of solo fliers. I suppose lots of men have the same outlook on life. But as a bitter woman, I don’t really care. Let them get their own column. Not my problem.

What I do have a problem with is couples. They’re everywhere – walking hand in hand at the mall, jogging together down the street, wiping each other’s faces at the ice cream stand, all, “Smoodgie, oo got ice cweam on your widdle noses, mwah mwah.” Save me.

You know what I’m saying, ladies. Makes you want to go up behind them and knock their heads together, yelling, “What, are you guys glued to each other?” It’s not that I begrudge them their happiness. OK, I do.

They’ve found each other out of the whole wide world of people. They have someone to sit with on a Saturday night and watch movies starring other, better-looking couples. They have a person to talk to after work about what a witch their boss is. They have someone to break up with. How great is that?

The rest of us are seeking that. Doesn’t matter if you’re a middle-aged divorced woman, a young high school girl ready for her first love or a 20-something career woman. We all heed the biological call to become one of two.

And don’t get me started on dating. Dating, for the most part, sucks.

So dating will be part of the focus of this column. I have lots of stories that will play out on this stage, thinly veiled vignettes of farce, tragedy and disaster starring people in our neighborhood with hilarious pseudonyms. Wait ’til you hear about Sweaty Resin Guy. I’m not saying every date I’ve been on has been horrifying – more like 97 percent.

I really don’t want this to be all about male-bashing. But neither will men get off the hook, because – let’s face it – it’s mostly their fault.

What I do want is input. This is your column, too. I want to hear your dating stories. I want to help with your problems. I want you to set me up with some semi-cute guy who isn’t a nut job. I don’t want to hear from those who feel they’re happily single. That’s a front, and you know it.

Give me your tips, your ideas, your questions, your struggling selves tired of being free. We, the uncoupled, hoping to form a more perfect union, now have a forum just for us. We can get each other through this, drag each other out of the muck and mire of loneliness.

If that doesn’t work, at least we’ll be comrades in this struggle until the bitter end.

– After sharing her thoughts with readers every week, Gina Angostura would like to hear from you. E-mail questions to editor@yourneighborhoodnews.com, with Single Cynic in the subject line.