By Patrick Payette
Columnist

Previous articles • May 4, 2006 • April 20, 2006 • April 6, 2006 • March 23, 2006 • March 8, 2006 • February 23, 2006 • February 9, 2006

I will be the fi rst to say I have a great marriage to a wonderful woman. A strong marriage is predicated upon the husband and wife having enough differences that keep life together dynamic, while at the same time having enough similarities to keep them civil while “exploring” those differences.

My wife and I agree on many things. We both came into our marriage with similar ideas of how to bring up children.

Our ability to discern what is right and what is wrong, while not identical, is very close. However we do have differences – individual and diverse tastes in home decorating comes immediately to mind.

It’s a good thing other family members have given us our dishes on Christmas and other special occasions since we could not decide what set we would purchase if we went shopping for them ourselves. We were in a store not too long ago, shopping for some other item not dependent on color or style, when we went by the dishes and we each started commenting on which ones we liked. The closest we got to agreement was, “Well, they’re not too bad.” Most of the time one of us would point out to the other a set of dishes they liked, and the other would shove their index fi nger down their throat in an all-too-clear message.

Every once in a while we do agree on something. The last one I remember was the drapery. She pointed out a set she liked, and I said they looked nice and would go well with furniture. She looked me in the eye and said, “I don’t know who you are but tell your bug-eyed alien buddies to fi nish whatever tests they are performing on my husband and send him back.”

Another area of decorating where my wife and I differ is on the use of furniture top space. Give me a coffee table with maybe a little lace something-or-other where I can set my coffee cup, maybe a book or a houseplant, and that is plenty for me. My wife has knick-knacks, as well as pictures of all of our relatives dating back to the what seems like the Civil War scattered (my perception), or tastefully placed (her perception), around the house on end tables, entertainment centers, and anywhere else with an open horizontal surface.

When we have people over, they are kind to look at the pictures and ask about them. What then results is a genealogy discussion dating back decades. Guests can look at pictures of me when I was younger and still cute, then look at me today – live and in person. This invariably invokes a disagreement between our guests and myself on my position that evolution is just an unproven theory.

That’s when one pokes me in the stomach and says, “Whatever you say. But it looks like you’re still evolving.”

My wife and I also have different tastes in colors. I like light greens, yellows and whites. My wife likes pretty much anything that is not green, yellow or white. I have a male God-given aversion to the color pink. With a wife and two daughters, do you think I have a prayer of winning that one? That’s one reason I like working on cars.

I may have to sit at a dinner table covered in pink tablecloths and napkins, but I’ll have a layer of grease on me that will tell anyone who happens to arrive unexpectedly that I maintain my masculinity.

– Patrick Payette can be reached at patdunbarton@peoplepc.com, if he can find his computer.

The Single Cynic will return next week, and will alternate weeks with the Married Cynic.