By Heather Matthews
Staff Writer

Deb Millette of Northwood takes some time to catch up with Therese Mohay, the Parents Without Partners vice president of membership. Millette is trying to start another chapter of the group on the Seacoast.

With the death of her husband, Deb Millette lost a piece of herself and an integral part of her family. Although her husband can never be replaced, Millette, of Northwood, and her two children have become part of a new family.

“When there is a divorce or a family death, you feel disjointed, unfinished almost,” she said. “I feel like I am part of a family again.”

Three years ago, the Millettes joined Parents Without Partners. More than just a support group, for many like Millette, Parents Without Partners is a new beginning and a new family.

“It helps during the lonely parts of this lifestyle,” she said, “because that is a big part of this lifestyle.”

Parents Without Partners is a support group and social network for single parents and their children. According to the group’s mission statement, it provides members of a single-parent household “opportunities for enhancing personal growth, self-confidence and sensitivity by offering an environment for support, friendship and the exchange of parenting techniques.”

Parents Without Partners was founded in 1957 in New York City by two single parents. Jim Egleson and Jacqueline Bernard felt isolated from society because of their marital status and decided to form a support organization. After running their first advertisements in local papers, 25 single parents attended the first meeting in Greenwich Village.

Now Parents Without Partners is the largest international support group of its time, with more than 50,000 parents belonging to the group in the United States and Canada.

More than 85 percent of those members have gone through a divorce, but Parents Without Partners accepts single parents of all types, including widows and parents who were never married at all.

In the Manchester area, the central New England Chapter 1293 boasts a membership of approximately 230 registered members. Chapter 1239 does not just draw its members from Manchester, however. Residents of Northern Massachusetts, Nashua, Concord, the Lakes Regions and anywhere between Keene and Salem belong to Parents Without Partners.

Each month the group sponsors between 40 and 50 activities of all types, including trips to the park, movie and pizza parties, game nights, Fisher Cats games, camping, ballroom dancing and monthly potluck support meetings.

Events for children and families are often subsidized, giving many single-parent families the chance to do things they otherwise wouldn’t be able to afford. This also gives members the opportunity to meet new people and know that they are not alone.

Brenda Hansen of Bedford helps her daughter, Katelyn, 17, get ready for her junior prom. The Hansens have been involved with Parents Without Partners for almost six years. “I love it,” Katelyn said. “I have made such good friends. Everyone welcomes you.”

With the urging of a cousin who was a member of Parents Without Partners in Massachusetts, Hansen, of Bedford, sought out the group to show her daughters “not all dads leave their families.”

“(Parents Without Partners) helped fill a void,” she said. “It showed them how many good dads are out there.”

The single, devoted fathers in the group showed her daughters that there are a lot of good men in the world, while providing the girls with many positive male role models and father figures to look up to, respect and take after, Hansen said.

“The guys became the kids’ uncles, helping to shape them, give them advice and be there if they needed them,” she said. “(The kids) made a lot of good friends in the group and a lot of good family.”

Having so many parents and other children around helped break Hansen’s daughters out of their shells. “Before the girls were very clingy. It was 24/7. I never got a break,” she said. “They helped the kids grow, detach from me and spread their wings.”

Through their interactions with the group, the Hansen girls were taught the value of volunteering and helping others. They even have made it a point to help out with the younger children in the group, she said. But more important, they now know they are not the only children who have gone through a divorce or have a single parent.

“The kids knew they weren’t the only ones in their situation,” she said. “They knew that other kids were going through the same thing.”

Penny Stimson of Derry has had a similar experience to Hansen’s. Stimson joined the group in 1990 after her ex-husband left overnight, leaving Stimson and her three young daughters confused and hurt.

“In my situation, my ex just walked out,” she said. “I didn’t want my daughters to think that was what dads did. Not all dads leave. Having my kids know that is worth its weight in gold.”

Penny Stimson and Roger LaPointe

“There are a lot of changes,” he said. Parents Without Partners gives divorced parents a chance to start over by creating a new social network. LaPointe joined the group after a friend told him about it. He said he saw the group as the next phase in his divorce.

“You have to go through the emotional healing first,” he said, “but starting over is the next phase. That’s why I joined.”

LaPointe joined to connect with people in similar situations to build new friendships and a new social network. He never expected to be starting over the way he is now.

In the summer of 2007, LaPointe will marry his girlfriend of seven years, Penny Stimson.

Stimson and LaPointe met while playing volleyball during one of the group’s summer activities. A few weeks later, Stimson, a huge sports fan, had four free tickets to a Boston Celtics game and invited LaPointe and a few of her other friends along. Later, LaPointe invited her to a Bruin’s game. They have been together ever since.

“When I found out she was a sports fan, I figured she would be a keeper,” LaPointe joked.

The couple stressed it is important to remember that Parents Without Partners is not a dating service, but many couples have met through the group’s activities and meetings.

Linda Cote of Manchester said the group is a way for single parents, whether divorced, widowed or never married, to become OK with who they are.

“For me socially, Parents Without Partners has really made it easier for me to be comfortable being single,” she said. “It was great knowing that a lot of the people were in the same boat as me.”

Cote said she never considered the possibility of meeting someone through the program, but it was at a dance held by the group that she met her husband, Brian.

“I never thought I would meet somebody,” she said. “It just happened.

You don’t know where you will be when you meet the right person to start a new life with.”

While the group’s rules state that couples are not allowed to remain in Parents Without Partners after marriage, LaPointe said he and Stimson will remain in contact with the friends they have made through the group.

“We have met so many friends we don’t want to lose,” he said.

LaPointe and Stimson reserve the third Saturday of every month to spend time with couples they have met through their involvement in the group. They plan to continue that tradition, and maybe even expand it, after their marriage.

Laura Duggan, left, and Noelle Joubert joke around while at the Fisher Cat Game on Sunday, April 30.

For four straight days, Joubert and the other teen members of the group, spend hour after hour, giggling, gossiping and talking about everything from school and family to dating and music.

But making friends and talking with others wasn’t always easy for Joubert, 16, of Merrimack.

“I was very shy when I was younger,” she said. “This group gave me a new personality and helped me to become more open.”

Joubert became involved with Parents Without Partners five years ago when her mother, Anne, the group’s current president, joined. Now Joubert is such a big fan of Parents Without Partners she has taken it upon herself to recruit new members.

“I’ve recruited a few people,” she said modestly. “I speak very highly of Parents Without Partners.”

Joubert said she makes a point to help the new teen and young members feel welcome by introducing them to her friends in the group and inviting them to join in their activities.

“A lot of teens are skeptical at first,” she said, “but the group is really fun.”

Young members are able to form friendships without the social pressures of school. Teens don’t have to worry about which cliques they will fit into, Joubert said, because those socially constructed groups don’t matter in Parents Without Partners. All are welcomed.

“(The group) is where friendships really do begin,” she said.

Kids spend time together during the week and call each other for advice or just to talk. And although there are no teen-only events yet, Joubert said she is working with the group to create more opportunities for the teens and children to come together.

According to Joubert, the friendships made in Parents Without Partners are lifelong and span all of the social groups of high school. No matter what their interests, style or opinions are, their experiences have bonded the teens and younger members of the group together.

“As we grow up, we might change,” she said, “but our friendships will still be there.”

For more information on Parents Without Partners, or to get involved, visit www.pwp1239.org or call 669-4275.